How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
