I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
