You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
