college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
