Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
where are my eyebrows?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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