THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
