I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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