The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
grandma shit on top of the toilet
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
