so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
