Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
