Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
