You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
