Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize