You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
