I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
