Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
