I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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