oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drunk is not a location!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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