I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's just like the Real World with babies
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
