that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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