Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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