Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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