I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
