tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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