I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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