He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
