Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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