he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
