Do you still have your period?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
