This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
