Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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