lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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