I think my vagina is haunted
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
