bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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