$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i came on her dog
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
