Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
