I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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