The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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