morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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