your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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