you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize