yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
wow bdsm is so cute
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize