I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
