Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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