He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
