I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
