Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
