Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
