just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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