When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
