So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
pop tarts are not kleenex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
