and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
