ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
