If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
