Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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