well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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