I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
