took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
