You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
