There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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