What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
