Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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