she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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