i permit you to call me
Fuck appropriateness.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
