The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
